Monday, January 30, 2006

She's Here!

Almost exactly two weeks early, my water broke. I'll give the whole story later, but suffice it to say, Tess Elise Ostergard, was born on Wednesday, January 25 at 8:27 p.m. As much as I tried for a vaginal delivery, she was born by C-section. I'm not upset, though, we gave it our all, and it was the safest way for her to come. She is beautiful, with long fingers (Owen had short fingers when he was born, because of being Down Syndrome), and a perfect little head. The first thing I asked when they took her out was if they checked to see if she had Down Syndrome...amazing what you think of when you are full of drugs!

She was little, only 6 pounds, 6 ounces, and 17-1/2 inches, but if she had two more weeks in me, at the rate I was eating, she would have been 8 pounds at least! I'm very happy and content, and so pleased that everything went well. My milk has already come in, and she's happily breastfeeding. I'm just so grateful to have a healthy, happy baby.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Almost 38 weeks...

Today is Sunday, and I'll be 38 weeks on Tuesday. I feel so out of sorts today, and I finally told my husband to take Owen to the park so I could get things done. I have been preparing non-stop for both work and home. We have our first meeting tomorrow with the Los Angeles Unified School District to begin talking about placement for Owen in a preschool: a special needs preschool. It seems so weird to say it like that. I mean, 2-1/2 years ago, we had a baby, and for two weeks we thought he was healthy and fine. He is healthy and fine, but he has Down Syndrome, and after all this time, it sometimes still strikes me as odd that we talk about him having it, since he does seem pretty close to normal on a lot of things. Of course, speech is a big issue, since he talks and talks but we can't understand a word he's saying. I see other 1 and 2 year olds who talk a lot, but their words make sense. I don't know why he can't translate things into our language yet, although, of course, he has Down Syndrome, so he had language delays.

Anyway, I'm in this really blue funk, and I can't seem to get out of it. It's a beautiful day here in LA, not too warm, but the sun is shining and the air is a little crisp. I usually love days like this, but maybe I'm just getting a little sad that this time all alone with Owen is coming to an end soon. I guess I'm a little sad about the changes that are coming, which I know must happen, and I have been looking forward to meeting this child, but there is always a moroseness when change is imminent. I guess I've been trying so hard to make sure everything is in order before she comes, that this morning, I actually found myself at a loss as to what I wanted to do next. I couldn't concentrate, and I realized that I've been so busy making sure everything is taken care of that I haven't had a moment to myself to relax or do something I want to do. So, I made Erik leave the house with Owen so I could have some alone time. I know that alone time will be scarce once the new baby comes, so I'm trying to settle myself and put myself in a mental space that I can live with.

This is how anal I am: my doula told me that when I begin to feel labor pains, call her, and then make cookies. The process of making cookies will help me get through the first part of labor, while she has a chance to get to my house. I told her, "But I've eaten so many sweets, that I can't possibly make more cookies and have them in my house," and she laughed and said, "no, you are making them for the hospital staff and your doula, who will welcome fresh-baked cookies." "Oh," I said, seeing that that made sense (people always treat you better if you bring treats). Then, I realized that tomorrow is our meeting with the LAUSD, and people have told me to always bring something to eat, it helps how they think about you and deal with you. So now, it's on my to-do list, make cookies, since I always have to do things in advance. There is no way I am leaving making cookies to the last minute when I am in labor and don't know what I will be thinking or's that for being a total control freak? I will already have cookies made to take with me, but I will also try to make new cookies, if that's what I am supposed to do. Yikes! I think I am overthinking this whole 'having a baby' thing. Maybe I should just stop thinking about it. Yea, right.

Well, I'm off to do a little shopping, some browsing, nothing special. I just want to enjoy these last few minutes alone.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Full term?

I am now 37 weeks, and I guess that is considered full seems odd, somehow, that it could still be even five weeks before I have this baby (although my doctor probably won't let me go beyond my due date of February 7th). And, at the same time, I could have her any minute! She is sitting really, really low on my pelvic region; in fact, so low that I have to literally walk with my feet outward because it hurts. I never remember Owen being so painful, but then again, I don't think Owen ever dropped. My water broke, and he was stuck. This baby (whose head is down in the right position, yeah!), is really pressing on me. My bladder is working overtime, and I can't seem to go anywhere without having to find the nearest bathroom. But, I am NOT complaining, I am very, very happy to be pregnant, and full term, with all the usual symptoms.

I have a really big event tomorrow night, which I'm hoping this baby doesn't decide to come in between the space of now and tomorrow night, because I am really proud of this event and want to pull it off. I know I can't time nature, but I hope she's listening...

I am so excited to try for a vaginal birth, how crazy is that? I'm actually secretly excited to find out what day she picks for her birthday. I mean, how cool is that that our babies can pick the day they are born? Well, except for all those repeat C-sections, the moms who want to be in control (oops, don't know the repeat C-sectioners, I could have been one of those, and might still be if things don't progress the way they should).

The weather in LA here is so perfect for me right now: chilly, the fog rolling in, and the mountains in the distance covered with snow. This is our winter, and it's exactly how I like it: not too cold, not too warm, but moody and mysterious and lovely.

Monday, January 09, 2006

One Month to Go

I'm only four weeks away from having this baby, unless she decides to come early. And, the worst part of all, she is now sitting on my sciatica nerve, which makes me unable to walk. I can only limp around the house. Owen did the same thing when I was pregnant with him, and it was right at the end of my pregnancy. I suppose they save the hardest stuff to deal with for last...

I'm getting really excited about trying for a Vbac. I need to be in the right mental state of mind, and I feel as if I am more excited than I ever was with Owen. I was just afraid with Owen. Things change, though.

My sisters are coming in town this Friday to throw me a shower. I can't wait to see them. I will have a bunch of my friends here, and of course, (there is always one), one of my friends wants to bring her child to the shower. I don't understand why people just assume their children are invited, when the invitation went out only to her. And, her child is one of those holy terrors who knock things off shelves and want to pull everything out. I can just see her trying to open all the presents. I told her mom that I would appreciate it if she didn't bring her, but I think she is still going to. I kind of wish I didn't invite her. I only invited her as a last-minute invite because she just moved into our neighborhood and I've been promising that we would get together. Oh well. Whatever happens happens, but I have spent far too much energy on being irritated by her.

So now the countdown is on. We'll see when my little girl decides to make her arrival!

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Happy New Year!

It seems so odd that it's already 2006...I can't quite deny that mentally, I've been a little stuck somewhere around the middle of the year, not thinking this pregnancy would really survive and not willing to look too far into the future to plan for it. But here I am, almost 35 weeks pregnant and it's the new year! I think I've held my breath for most of the year, wondering if something bad was going to happen, to me or this pregnancy, or my family. I mean, ever since Owen was born, I have realized that we are not exempt. Bad things do happen to good people. I know, I know, Owen being Owen with Down Syndrome isn't really a bad thing, I have come to realize. But, it's the fact that he was not what we were expecting, and what everyone else expects and gets.

I have now passed the 40 mark, 40 pounds that is. I have gained 40-1/2 pounds to be exact, and I still have five weeks to go. And, my hands will not stop putting food in my mouth. I don't want to continue to gain a lot of weight because they say it all goes to the baby the last month or so, and since I am going to try to push this one out vaginally, I certainly don't need an excessively big baby to impede the road down the birth canal. I'm hoping the baby comes a little early, since Owen was (although I know that doesn't necessarily hold true), but even if she doesn't, I'm just very grateful that everything seems to be fine and progressing normally. I actually haven't seen my doctor for two weeks, and won't see her for another week, which is fine by me, and she seemed to be very confident that my pregnancy was progressing nicely and I didn't need to make the trek in unless I felt I needed to. I feel pretty good, and even though the baby is sitting very low, which makes me have to pee every 10 minutes, I still am able to go for a 20 minute walk most days. I have slowed down a lot, but I'm figuring that I only have five more weeks until I can get back to walking.

I can't believe how fast the time has gone, and how fast it is going to go. My month of January is already booked solid with work, my sisters coming town, a baby shower, and then, of course, the imminent arrival of the baby. I hope I can keep my wits about me. I already have been feeling the urge to sort through EVERYTHING in my house: every drawer that is full, every closet, every bookshelf. I don't remember being this way with Owen, but I suppose I was. I really don't think I will have this baby until I feel that every last detail hovering in my mind has been taken care of. Then, I'm sure, the time will come. Until then, I really am just enjoying being pregnant and being able to eat whatever I want (bring on those brownies!). I hope everyone (my phantom readers) had a safe and happy new year. And may this year bring many more babies...