Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Holidays are Here

I didn't even think that the holidays would get here so fast, and here they are...I guess because I knew that I would be very pregnant if they got here, and it just didn't seem like a possibility. But here I am, very pregnant and it's the holidays...

I am now at the point where I am having trouble sleeping, and my hands seem to be falling asleep all the time. Last night I woke up twice and they were hurting so much that I was afraid I had been sleeping on my back and all the circulation had stopped to the baby. (I haven't felt her move this morning yet, either.) I was so tired, though, that I just sunk into sleep and slept for 10 hours. Owen didn't sleep the night before because he's getting a cold (which Erik has had all week), and I just can't get sick right now. I don't want to deal with fighting a cold that I can't take any medicine for. (Okay, I just felt the baby move, so I feel better).

I think I'm going to take Owen to the zoo today, since they have the reindeer there. That is one thing I love about living in LA. It's been almost 80 degrees for the past couple of days, and chilly at night, but I can take Owen to the park, and the zoo and out shopping without worrying about crazy weather. Plus, some people have already left town, so it's a little less crowded. And, nobody ever thinks to go to the zoo the week before Christmas! It will be nice to spend the day with him. And the only reason we have this free time is because his speech class was cancelled today. It's funny, because we don't have that many therapy sessions, they are all pretty manageable, but they just happen to fall in the prime time of his day, so I can't seem to do anything else with him, like go to the park, or take him for a walk. By the time I get him home, it's lunch and a nap, and then when he wakes up, it's too dark to do anything. I'm definitely ready for the lighter hours to come back. And since yesterday was the shortest day of the year, we are now on our way to longer days, yea!!

Only seven more weeks until the big event, and I think I'm pretty ready to try for a vaginal delivery. Her head seems to be in the right position, and if she stays that way, I have a shot at it. I actually am going to write a birth plan this time (which I didn't do last time), and mostly because I'm at a new hospital and my doctor said that it should include what I want for the baby as well, meaning the shots, formula when she's not in my room, or God forbid, any kind of emergency measures. I think it's a good idea for my husband to have a guide, too.

I just pray that all goes well this time and there are no surprises...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


I don't know if that's what you call this, because I don't remember having it with Owen, but I've been waking up early, and getting up to get things done. I feel as if there is so little time left and so much to do. I have presents to buy, cards to send, bags to pack, events to plan, and writing to do, all while I prepare for the birth of my daughter, who is only eight weeks away (from the due date, but that's not really set in stone anyway). I feel as if I have to hurry up and get all these monumental tasks done before I can just relax and allow her to come into our lives. I remember feeling the same way with Owen, but it was more about getting through work events. This time, it is about getting through life events. The day before I went into labor with Owen, I had this incredibly long work day, beginning with a 7 a.m. breakfast, and ending with a dinner meeting that I didn't get home from until 9:30 p.m. I promptly told my husband I was exhausted, and fell into bed. I had the deepest sleep I had had in a long time that night, which was a good thing, considering my son was born the next day. I don't know if I mentally decided that when that day was done, I could relax, because there was just so much to do that day. Perhaps our mind does have something to do with it. All I know is that at this point, I have three work events in January, as well as a shower (that, of course, I am throwing for myself, even though my sisters are flying in town for it) that I am planning and taking care of. Oh yeah, and I'm having a baby.

And for some reason, a January baby keeps sticking in my mind. Besides that, I think I feel as if I have to be supermom and superwife these days. I can't stop baking cookies and fudge, only because I have a license to eat as many of them as I want, and of course, I have now passed the magic number of 30 pounds. I have officially gained 32 pounds, and I still have 8 weeks to go! How many cookies can I stuff in my mouth until then? I know that after I have the baby, I'm going to feel guilty about eating sugary food, so I figured I may as well enjoy it until the end. I can worry about taking it off when I finally unload the baby and all the extra fluids. Then, I'll start fresh.

Owen and I stopped by the house that Erik and his dad are building the other day. It's really happening. The foundation is being laid, and the walls are starting to go up. I can't believe we actually got a lot to build on (and a corner lot at that) in such a great neighborhood. People are always out walking, there are tons of kids, and the schools are great. We can walk to the park, the library and Ventura Boulevard. Make no mistake, I love my house in the Hollywood Hills, with a corner view of the Hollywood sign, but my life is so different now. I told Erik when we are old and gray we can buy a house in the hills with the view he wants. Of course, we might be too old and stiff to walk up to it...

Oh, and so far, we've had at least one person come by the house they are building and offer to buy it. There is definitely money to be made off it, but I think I would like to live there first.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Insomnia Has Set In

I thought I was doing pretty well with my sleeping patterns, until this morning. It's 4:30 a.m. and I can't sleep. There simply seems no point in my tossing and turning for another two hours, so I figured I would get up and get some writing done. I don't remember this insomnia with Owen, and recently, several moms have asked me if I have hit the insomnia stage. I didn't think I would, but it seems as if this baby wakes me up and keeps me up, always from about 4-6. I know it's supposed to be practice for when she gets here, but really, I think it would be much more appropriate if we were allowed to be completely rested by the time the baby gets here and then we deal with the sleeplessness. Oh well. I suppose there is nothing I can do about it. I actually think the insomnia has more to do with the fact that I feel like I have things that need to get done before I have this baby; things I have been putting off because, oh, I suppose I didn't really think this was going to happen months ago when I got pregnant. Strange how the mind works, isn't it? I have a friend pregnant with her first, and she started telling everybody she was pregnant when she was only 6 weeks along. She is now almost twenty weeks, but I often wonder, what would she have done if she had a miscarriage? But I guess I was the same way when I was pregnant with Owen. I just assumed it would work out, I didn't question it, and then I told everybody in my family when I was only 6 weeks pregnant. I suppose it's only when you do have something go wrong that you become very, very cautious.

I can't believe it's December already, and that the year is almost over. I never imagined, back in May when I found out I was pregnant, that I would be sitting here, 8 months pregnant, hoping for time to slow down so I can enjoy these last few weeks of pregnancy. I may never get to experience this again; this may be it, so I want to cherish every symptom, every kick, every smile from people who see my swollen belly. On the other hand, I feel like I'm so behind in everything; that there is still so much to do. I don't want to stress about it, but of course, there are three events at work I am in the middle of planning (which of course all happen to fall in mid-to-late January) and then there are the things at home: Christmas shopping, decorating, my own writing, packing my bag (yes, that would be helpful), Owen's transition meetings, and all things that pertain to Owen. We have our first transitional meeting in January with the Los Angeles school district, and of course, the earliest they could schedule us was late January. I suppose we could always reschedule if I am in the hospital, because for some reason, I feel like I am going to have a January baby. I don't know why, and it could be January 31, but I still feel like she's coming in January, not February. My actual due date is February, so she has a good chance of being a January baby.

That's all for now. I think I'll work on my book, since I feel as if I have neglected working on it.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Maori Healers

I mentioned before that I had gone to see the Maori healers when I was ten weeks pregnant. They came back into town, and I decided to see them again, on the advice of my doula, who works with them. I also brought my son and my husband, hoping that the head healer, Papa Joe (who works with babies, as well as pregnant women, and infertility), could help my son with the sensory issues he has been having lately. Owen would only let him work a little bit on him, so I'm not sure how much good it did him, but Papa Joe looked at me and said, "Owen is going to be Owen, and he is going to be fine." I really took to heart what he said, because it's true, Owen will be fine. It's just me who doubts, nobody else. Everyone else who knows Owen knows that he will be okay; I guess it's just me and my own insecurities that keep me from believing it. Papa Joe asked me if I knew about the indigo and crystal children, which is a whole fascinating study on it's own. Anna, my doula, when she met Owen, immediately said that she thinks he is one of the crystal children. And, he is fascinated by crystals.

When I had my session with Papa Joe, Anna told me that he would be able to open up my hips and help me get a little more comfortable, and that it would take hours off my labor. We shall see, I supppose, but Papa Joe did this amazing deep tissue massage on me and the baby. I could actually feel the baby following his was incredible. He also worked on my C-section scar, so that any remaining tissue would not get in the way of the birth. After I was done, I felt so immensely relaxed, and tired. When I stood up, he looked at my stomach and said, "baby is coming early," and I said, "I hope not too early." He said again, "baby will be early," and Anna looked at me and said, "Papa Joe is right nine out of 10 times." So, maybe she will arrive early. It's hard to believe that I have less than ten weeks to go, and if she comes early, that means less than that. I wonder, what must I get ready right now so that I am prepared? What am I putting off that I must get done so that I have nothing holding me back from having the energy to push this baby out vaginally? I must truly be ready and be in the moment.

I truly feel that the Maori healers have such a good energy and are healers. I know some people might think it's pretty out there, but even my husband, who is somewhat of a non-believer in a lot of things, thinks that they are beneficial. My husband is such an amazing guy. After we went to the Maoris, he told me that he absolutely supports my decision for a VBAC, and that he is with me 100%, regardless of what happens. It's nice to have such a great support system. It makes me proud to call him my husband.