I feel like something's wrong...

Yesterday, I felt different, like something was off. I wasn't that tired, and by the time I got home last night, I had enough energy to bake some banana bread. That started to worry me, as usually I've been so incredibly tired every day from this pregnancy. Then, even at 8 o'clock last night, I still wasn't that hungry, and usually I'm famished. I started thinking that maybe something was wrong.

I got up in the middle of the night with Owen, and after I fell back asleep, I had this horrible dream. First I dreampt I was in my doctor's office and we were all celebrating because we were able to hear the heartbeat on a doppler machine at only nine weeks. We were having a party, and my doctor gave me a hug and cogratulations. Then he went to sleep in the back of his office. The next scene in my dream, I am in Michigan with my family and I have begun spotting, then bleeding, then it has turned into a full miscarriage. My family is trying to tell me it's okay and I screamed, "Leave me alone! All of you had fucking perfect pregnancies. You don't know anything!" Then I felt a horrible cramp and sank to the floor.

I woke myself up, because I was so frightened by the dream. The thing that scares me is that I had a dream about having a miscarriage just before I had my real miscarraige. So, how do I know what it is? Is is intuition? Does reality breed imagination or does imagination breed reality? Am I just being paranoid because I am at the same point in my last pregnancy when I found out it wasn't going to work? How much can I rely on the fact that there was a heartbeat two weeks ago?

Today, I don't feel pregnant. I keep waiting for the nausea to return, but there is none. I am not tired, and when I got in the shower, usually my nipples are very sensitive to the water and today they were not. I don't know how I'm going to get through whatever is coming. Can I create my own reality? Or is it set in stone?