Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Dealing with other issues...

I have an appointment with St. Joes Cancer Center on Thursday morning to check out the lump in my breast. I haven't really stressed about it, because I did some research online and it seems that what I am experiencing is definitely related to the pregnancy hormones, and that it does happen and most times it is benign. But there is something about making an appointment at a place called the Cancer Center that makes me think twice. I mean, what if it is? No, I'm not going to go there.

Oddly enough, I subscribe to the magazine Mothering, which I am not a fan of and almost didn't renew my subscription. The fact that I had a C-section with my son certainly makes me one of the unnatural mothers, even though I breastfed for a year, didn't do any invasive testing while I was pregnant, and didn't circumsize my son. But, I still feel like a condemned woman because I had a C-section. Anyway, the point is that I still get the magazine and every month I scoff at some of the "holier than thou" articles. Except yesterday, in my e-mail box, was a note from them about their website and an exclusive web story on a woman who found a lump in the side of her breast which she had to have removed while she was pregnant. It scared the holy crap out of me. I don't understand how this e-mail and story arrived at exactly this time in my life. It is eerie.

So of course I flipped out again, and started imagining that something really awful is growing inside of me, and I was so quiet yesterday around my husband and he tried to cheer me up. Finally, today, I realized there is nothing I can do about it until they tell me what it is. So I must just stop the madness! and take care of myself and this baby inside me. I still have four weeks to go before I hit the magical twelve week mark, but four weeks is a long time, especially in pregnancy minutes.

Maybe this is just another test. But I really am beginning to wonder why I am the one who keeps having to jump hurdles and be tested. How is it possible that almost every other woman I know has sailed through being pregnant and having kids with their only worries being stretch marks and lack of sleep?

7 Comments:

Blogger vixanne wigg said...

"How is it possible that almost every other woman I know has sailed through being pregnant and having kids with their only worries being stretch marks and lack of sleep?"

Because they suck.

That's my "middle-school" answer.

I hope all goes well. I think Mothering is evil, but yet I still read their message boards a lot and get indignent.

2:31 PM  
Blogger Passerby A said...

Hi Zannetastic,

Most breast lumps are benign. I thought I was going to die of cancer when I discovered a few large lumps in my right breast. The tests were inconclusive so my doctor just went ahead and removed the lumps. That was a year ago, and I'm feeling fine now.

Congrats on your pregnancy...

6:59 AM  
Blogger zannetastic said...

Roxanne, yes, I think Mothering is evil too, but like those people who like to slow down so they can see the accident, I still continue to read it. Then I burn it...

5:44 PM  
Blogger zannetastic said...

The Diva (nice name!), but doesn't it just freak you out when there is something growing beneath the surface? And yes, I seriously kept having visions of me dying of breast cancer, and the worst part is my mother in law saying, "I told you so".
Suzanne

5:46 PM  
Blogger Passerby A said...

I was major freaked out because one moment, there were no lumps, and then suddenly, I discovered a large one through monthly self-examination. There were 2 smaller ones I couldn't feel but they were found through the ultrascan. If it wasn't for the large lump, I'd be none the wiser...

I spent so much time searching for answers, talking to doctors and surfing the internet. Nobody knows for sure why lumps happen. There is nothing anyone can do to prevent them or "cause" them to happen.

5:19 AM  
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