Wednesday, June 08, 2005

A Little Nervous

This past weekend, I could tell I was pregnant: the smells, the tiredness, the slight naseau. But today, this morning, I woke up and felt like I wasn't pregnant anymore, like it was gone. And now it's 4 o'clock in the afternoon and I am waiting for that extreme tiredness to kick in and it hasn't. I've begun to think maybe it's over. I mean, isn't the warning when you feel the pregnancy symptoms go away? I didn't even get a good night's rest last night, and, this morning when I woke up, I took my temperature as I always do and it had dropped to just above the coverline. I decided to keep taking my temperature so that I would know if I have a miscarriage, since a temperature drop below the coverline is a sure sign. Sadly, I'm beginning to think that is where I am headed. I know why it's happening too. I let myself get excited about the pregnancy. I actually looked up my due date, which I should never have done.

I don't want to get upset about it. I just want to dive back into my life. I want to finish writing my book and pursue that avenue. I don't need to spend the next two months upset about a miscarriage. Maybe I shouldn't have thrown away that information about adoption. Maybe, maybe, maybe. I guess either this baby will stick or it won't. There is absolutely nothing I can do about it, whether it's here to stay or not, so I should just forget about it.

If only I could just forget about it...


Blogger vixanne wigg said...

Well, I didn't have any early symptoms and I was completely freaked out about that. I don't know how much stock you can place in the symptoms. I know you didn't want to go to the doctor this early, but maybe it would help to put your mind at ease just a little getting your levels checked or a really early ultrasound? It's hard for ME to tell you to try and relax and blah blah blah because I certainly can't! But I hope that what you fear is not happening!

7:29 PM  
Blogger zannetastic said...

Roxanne, thanks for that note of support. I'm back to having symptoms again, but now I wonder if maybe I should get my progesterone checked or something like that. What if I let it go too long and I could have done something? This baby making thing is so worrisome, I think you said in one of your posts, wake me when it's over??


3:41 PM  

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