Maybe This Will Work Out...

I finally made an appoitment with my doctor and went to see him this morning. I was dreading it, not only because I'm only just over seven weeks along, but I've also been having some tenderness in one particular spot on my breast, and it feels like a lump: a huge lump.

So I freaked out, and in my haste to get an appointment I almost didn't tell them I was pregnant. Just that I thought I found something in my breast. So this morning, as I waited in the lobby, fear overtook me. I was almost shaking, and certainly trying hard to breathe properly. Finally, when I went in, the nice nurse said we could do an ultrasound and maybe see the heartbeat. I told her that if we didn't see one, I was not going to be optimistic at all, because last time they couldn't get a reading on the heartbeat, and that was at 7, 8 and 9 weeks. So, I took a breath and waited. When the doctor came in, he was so pleased to see that I was here because I am pregnant (I really love my doctor, he's so great). I closed my eyes while he did the vaginal ultrasound and lo and behold! there it was, the heartbeat. The dates were on target and the heartbeat was where it should be at, too.

About my breast. He told me that there is definitely something there, and it is most likely a fibroid caused by being pregnant. But, to be sure, I'm going for an ultrasound of my breast next week. I feel a little better about it, but it's still not good to have something inside your breast that's growing. I hope it's fairly common. It never happened when I was pregnant before.

The reason I panicked so much about my breast, is because I have heard of cases where being pregnant (the extra hormones) actually provoked tumors to grow, thereby becoming a health hazard, and then you have to make a choice: your baby or your life. Obviously, that is an extreme case, but still, it's not good to have something growing like that.

The other thing I wonder is, would God really punish me again by forcing me to make a choice? I thought we made the right choice last time, by not taking any tests to force us into a decision we didn't want to make. Could he be so cruel as to force a different issue? I don't even want to go there. Not now. Not ever.