Friday, June 10, 2005

Time Goes So Slow...

I feel like I've already been pregnant for a month, and it's only been less than two weeks. Maybe it's because I'm so fearful that I will even make it to eight weeks when I plan to see the doctor. I'm even wondering if I should go sooner, since maybe I should have my blood levels checked. In some ways, I think that it's either going to be fine and stick, or it's not and why mess with nature. I'm sure there will be many more months of panic to go through and if I can't get through three more weeks, then how would I even get through eight more months?

But then I read these websites, and see all these stories of women who miscarried their baby and it might have been okay if they had just known their progesterone levels were low. I'm sort of at war with the nature vs. science thing. I mean, can a doctor really prevent someone from miscarrying? I'm sure they can figure out why people do miscarry, but in my case, they would probably just chalk it up to old age. I wish I could see into the future and know if this was going to work out, otherwise, I would absolutely make sure that I didn't get excited about it, and possibly just begin counting ahead to when we could start trying again. The thing about having a miscarriage is that it takes about two months for the actual event to happen, and then for your body to get back to normal. And that would put me even further along in the old age category than I would like to be.

On the other hand, would it kill me to think positively about this? It takes just as much energy to think positive rather than negative. So I think I'll try it for a day or two, and see what happens. Maybe good things are just around the corner, if I really think so...


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