Holistic Healing

I know I haven't written in a while, but so much has gone on. I have been going in a different direction lately, seeking out holistic help, because my brain can not stop thinking of horrible, awful things that might be happening to this child in me. The environment, the food, the air, the plastics, the chemicals, the chromosomes, the stress!

So I went to see this woman who was recommended to me here in LA. She does energy work, which sounds really hokey (and at $150 I was really hoping to get my money's worth) but she was amazing. She was so intuitive, and worked with me for about 3 hours. She basically read my body's energy, talked with me about where I was at mentally, and then did some massage. She works with a lot of pregnant women, as well as participates in birthing conventions, etc. She has studied to be a doula, but found she was better suited with this type of healing.

What I found so amazing is that she told me the child I am carrying is not sure whether I want him/her to stay or go; it's afraid to get comfortable because I have not embraced him/her. She told me that I needed to talk to my baby, embrace it, allow it to feel acknowledged. She also told me that Erik and I have to stop pretending it's the white elephant in the room and talk about our fears and our hopes for this baby. She really hit home with that, because that is exactly what Erik and I have done, avoided any conversation about the baby.

We spoke about my family, and Owen, and everything connected to this baby. We talked about my guilt over Owen, and feeling that I was responsible for him being born with Down Syndrome. There was so much emotion that came forth in this session.

I can't really explain it all, I just felt that there was a healing process that took place. When I went home that day, I finally acknowledged that I am pregnant with a life, a life that is here and present now, with me. It gave me the ability to open up and allow Erik and me to talk about what this pregnancy means to us, and how we feel about. Erik has begun talking to the baby, something he did with Owen but I wouldn't let him do until recently. It feels good to welcome this child. It feels right.

And I really do feel pregnant now, and I feel like things are going to be okay.