Monday, July 18, 2005

Feeling Out of Sorts

My cat hasn't come home for two days, and I know that he's not going to come home, ever. Friday night, when we came home from our softball game (I know I have to stop playing, but they were short a girl, and I don't play hard), Giles was at the door, as usual. We went to bed (and I so regret not giving him more attention that night), and the next morning when I got up the fog was heavy and thick. Giles wasn't home, but he usually comes in the door when I'm making the coffee (yes, it's half decaf). But there was no sign of him. He didn't come home all afternoon, and his bowl of food remained full. This, by the way, is a cat who never misses a meal. I knew something was wrong, and the feeling I got was that the coyotes were out this morning, using the fog to muffle their noises so they could get the cats. We always have a lot more coyotes when it's hot during the day, and you tend to see more signs of small dogs and cats missing. I had a bad feeling about this, especially since I lost my other cat, his sister Buffy (yes, I had a thing for Buffy the Vampire Slayer) to the coyotes about 8 months ago. I thought Giles would be smarter, and survive, especially since he's survived this long. Later that day, one of our neighbors came by and said they just saw a coyote with what looked like a brown raccoon in it's mouth. I knew it was Giles. He has a ringed tail just like a raccoon, and he's a pretty big cat.

I can't bear to throw away his food yet, or take away the towel he used to sleep on in the living room. I half expect him to come through the door again, meowing like he's saying "mom." He really was my first baby boy. My house feels lonelier now, like someone is missing. I have always loved my house, so much so that even though there are no kids in the neighborhood and no sidewalks, I keep putting off moving to a kid-friendly area because I love my house. But now that Giles is gone, I am ready to move. I just feel like it's time to move on. I can't stand the fact that the coyotes can roam the hills and kill people's animals, and we're not allowed to kill them. They are just the ugliest, mangiest looking animal I have ever seen. But because we live in the hills, they are there, and we cannot have any more cats until we move to the flats.

Lately, since I've been sleeping so much, I feel really out of sorts when I wake up. I feel like we don't have a lot of friends, and because I don't feel like going out, and am always tired so early, I'm kind of bored. I wish I had more friends who had kids and were available for play dates, but it seems as if all the people I know who have kids either live too far away and it means planning far in advance, or they already have their play groups they belong to. I suppose it is time we move to a different neighborhood, make some changes. After all, our lives are going to change pretty drastically next year when we have two kids (God willing...)

2 Comments:

Blogger vixanne wigg said...

That's so sad. I'm so sorry! I love my animals so much and I know how it feels to lose them. :( :(

5:18 AM  
Blogger zannetastic said...

Yes, I have been very sad lately, kind of morose. Makes me think about the past a lot, because they saw me through so many rough times...may your dear Lulu be safe. Suzanne

2:07 PM  

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