Too Little Posting

It's weird, I haven't felt like posting anything lately. I love reading other people's blogs, but I just haven't wanted to write in mine. I'm not sure why, maybe because I still have that feeling that something is going to go wrong and I can do NOTHING about it; or maybe it's because I still feel like a bitch when I see other people blindly going about their pregnancy in all their innocent glory; or it could just be the pictures my SIL keeps sending of her brand new baby girl, and her 1 year old son. Is it just me, or is there something about the fact that she just had a baby and probably should attend to that child instead of finding hours out of the day to send pictures to the 50 people on her e-mail list? Then my mom tells me the other day that the SIL is a "little disappointed" because my other brothers all had red-haired girls and her little girl looks like she's going to have brown hair. Boo, f***ing hoo...can't she just be satified that she has a healthy child?

A healthy child, that's all I wish for. I don't care if it's brown or green, or pink with white spots, just a healthy, chromosomally normal child (oh, and not autistic). I see them all the time, they do exist. So far, my tests have come back with low risk for Down Syndrome or Trisomy 18. The second set of tests are in two weeks, and I still haven't made an appointment. Are we allowed to blow off doctor's appointments?

Meanwhile, I am 14 weeks tomorrow, and just waiting to hit that 20 week mark. I feel as if 20 weeks will really establish this pregnancy. I'm not sure why the 20-week mark is so important to me, but I guess because I feel as if at 20 weeks we start the countdown: 19 weeks left, 18 weeks left, 17 weeks left, etc.