Not my fault...blogspot was down

Okay, I tried several times to post, but every time I couldn't get on. So, here is my post from October 25:

Tess is nine months old today! I just can’t believe it, where did the time go? She still is not crawling, but she’s definitely moving around. She can get in and out of sitting now, which is something Owen was never able to do. He still looks a little awkward when he does get up, as if he is doing something backwards. I never noticed until Tess the bent leg thing. We were shown by our PT when Owen was young how a typical child gets in and out of sitting. They start with their legs out, then bend one leg to the side, in order to position themselves for the next move. Owen never did that. In fact, he had never been able to bend his legs backwards and sit that way, as I see almost every child do. And yet, he is so flexible everywhere else in his body. It’s as if he brain was rebelling and said, “I’m not going to do the one pose that will make your life easier…”

So, we went to the park the other day, in the late afternoon, as we have been doing quite a lot. When both of us are working, Owen gets stir crazy in the house all day, and just needs to get out. Erik and I both understand that. We have been going to a new park where there is a trail all the way around, so that I can walk with Tess and Erik can play with Owen. It’s a great way for all of us to get some fresh air and exercise. The other day, we got there and I sat with Tess for a moment because I wanted to finish reading an article in the paper. I wasn’t quite sure I was motivated enough to walk, so I was going to read for a little while. I noticed two moms sitting near me, and one of them I had seen before at the park. After I had finished reading the article, for some reason, I caught their conversation. They were talking about the CVS test, because I heard the one mom say it. I was still, trying to hear what they were saying. I saw the one mom sort of look around before she leaned in a little closer to tell her friend this: “I had the CVS, it’s the earlier test. I did that one because I would find out earlier. I mean, if it happened, it would be painful and really sad, but at least know one would know I was pregnant.” My stomach lurched. She was so cocky in her description of her plans to terminate if something was wrong, that I wondered, would she ever tell her little girl that she thought that way? That she was alive based on the result of a test? Then it hit me that they were talking about this because they had seen my little boy. They had seen Owen playing at the park. Otherwise, how random could it be that they were talking about a test that was specifically for Down Syndrome?

I got up to walk, because I couldn’t stand to be seated near them. I hate those secretive little conversations that people have, as if it’s their own superiority that makes them a better judge of a child who isn’t born yet. So I started walking, and suddenly, the world looked different. It was such a beautiful day, but I felt as if everything was tinged in sadness. I felt as if people were so afraid to have a child who was different, that they went out of their way to make sure that didn’t happen. Then I saw a woman playing with her dogs, and I wondered if she checked to make sure her dogs had perfect chromosomes. Does anyone check their pets? No, we just accept them and love them for what they are. Why is it that we accept so much more of our pets, than our children? Why is it that we treat our pets better and allow them the chance to live and have a life? Yet we can’t stop the testing, the perfection, the starting over from scratch if things don’t look like they will be perfect. It’s so sad.