Sad News From a Friend

I just got an e-mail today from one of the moms in our moms group. At the last meeting, she had brought a new friend of hers who was eight months pregnant and had just found out that their child had Down Syndrome. He was a boy who they had named Shawn. She had come to the meeting, and even though she seemed shell-shocked, she was so beautifully pregnant, and she kept touching her stomach, as if to remind herself that she was there because of "her little man" as she called her baby. I could only think how brave she was to be there before the birth of her child (although, to be honest, if you are braving the world of Down Syndrome, there is no better place to start than with the amazing group of moms that we have).

Today, the mom who had brought her sent an email saying that baby Shawn was born, and had died the same day, from pumonary hypertension. He lived for 30 minutes after being taken off the ventilator, and died in their arms.

First of all, I cannot even imagine what it's like to have your child die in your arms, and second of all, I cannot imagine the gaping hole this creates in your life. I mean, she was growing her child for nine months, and then he is born, and then he dies. What can that mean for her? How do you respond to that? I know that she has a daughter, who is around five or so, and how do you explain to your daughter that her little brother, that she probably anticipated for so long, is not going to come home with you? In fact, he's never coming home. He's not alive anymore. How does a baby go from being so warm and alive in the womb to dying in the world?

I always feared that. I always feared that while my child was so safe and protected in my womb, what would happen when they got out? What if they died? I'm sure we all have thought about it. I'm just so sad for this mom. She was so ready to accept her child with Down Syndrome, and to love him, and now she can do neither. Now she must look at a different picture: death. Now, she must readjust her expectations for every part of her life, and what happens next. Now, even though she knew her child had Down Syndrome, she was okay with that, and had begun to cope with it. But death? Who would have thought? I mean, for the most part, our kids do survive, and thrive.

But perhaps in the end, he was not meant for her and her family after all. Perhaps his lesson that he was teaching them, to accept him, was done, and his job was finished. Who knows. It's just said, because regardless, she would have taken her baby no matter what. Now, she only takes home a memory.