A Few Minutes to Myself

Finally, it's Friday afternoon, the baby is sleeping, and Erik took Owen to the park. How heavenly! A moment to hear myself think...

Things have been busy. First of all, I have to say that I am so glad we got tubes in Owen's ears. I have heard him saying words that he wouldn't say before, and the other day he even said "baby Tess." He has never said Tess, only "ess" when I asked him to repeat it. He definitely is hearing more of the world now. Also, he has had sleep issues for months now, where he would wake and come into our room, fall asleep, then wake again. This was really wearing on me and Erik. The baby was sleeping better than he was! Right after he got the tubes, I was reading a book on sleep issues, and it said that one of the first things you should have checked is the hearing, because if your child has fluid in the ears, it can make them uncomfortable enough to wake them up night after night. Sure enough, the last three nights, he has slept through the entire night for 11 hours. He wakes up bright and cheery eyed, and comes into our room then, but I feel so rested that I don't care. I am hoping that it really was the fluid in his ears. And, they say that when kids are more well-rested they perform better during the day. We even think his balance is better. He seems to be running around a lot more, and just more active in general.

Other than that, Tess is an angel. I really can't describe her any other way. She is so sweet and calm all the time. She might fuss a little bit when her diaper is dirty or she is tired, but usually she is just so sweet. When anyone pays her any attention, she just starts with this slow smile that grows into a big grin. Her eyes smile, too. She is so happy just to be here, I think. She loves Owen, too. She laughs when she sees him, and just follows him with her eyes. I hope that she will always adore him, because that is how a little sister should see her big brother.

She's been such a good sleeper, too. Lately, when she is tired, right after dinner, I put her down at 6:30 p.m., she talks to herself for a little bit, then she's out for the night, until 7 a.m. the next morning. Well, I do feed her right before I go to bed, but she doesn't really wake up, she just nurses and goes back to sleep. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to still be waking her up to nurse, but I really don't mind, and she sleeps all night, then. I wonder what age I'm supposed to stop doing that? Owen never went to bed before 10 p.m. when he was little, so I always nursed him before he slept.

So the comparisons have started already. I have a friend with a baby who is a week older than Tess, and the first thing my MIL says to me on Sunday is that the other baby is already crawling. "Is Tess doing anything yet?" she asks, which I just can barely contain myself because of course she knows that she is not, since she babysits for her once a week and only saw her the day before. But, it's starting, and as blissful as I was about Tess, all it does is make me start thinking, "Hmmm. Well, Tess is seven months old, why isn't she crawling yet? Is something wrong with her?" But I have to stop. I can't make myself crazy. I don't want her to grow up so fast. I feel as if she just came out of my belly, and I don't want to see her assert her independence quite yet. The mean thoughts have started coming, too. "Why can't my kid be first at something?" I think. I mean, with Owen, we knew he would be delayed, and as much as I don't want Tess to be rushed through babyhood, I hate having her compared to all the other kids. I'm sure I'm going to hear about someone else's baby getting their first tooth already, or saying words early, and I don't know why I care. Why can't I just be happy with my little girl? Why does everyone want to make me crazy??

I guess we are all competitive in some way or other, whether it's our job, or our children, or our looks. I just want to stop it, though. I gave up long ago trying to compete with others in the looks department, and my job is my job, and I have resigned myself to the fact that Owen will never be the fastest or smartest kid on the block. So why doesn't that make me feel any better??