I feel out of control right now, as our lives swing into overdrive. I just feel as if life as we know it is going to change. At least Owen's life will. As of the end of June, we are cut off of the services offered by the regional center. Sitting in speech today with Owen, as he laughed so hard with Jana while she coaxed the words he knew out of him, I suddenly realized how fleeting this all is. In just about a month, we say goodbye to Jana, his speech therapist, Lisa, his occupational therapist and Patty, his child development specialist who has been with him since he was about 8 months old. It made me a little sad, knowing that we are entering the next phase of his life. I had gotten so used to our routine: on Monday he had speech and OT, Tuesday was school, Wednesday was child development and speech, Thursday was our free day and Friday was when I went to work and he spent the day with his babysitter, who he loves (he follows her around when she sweeps or vacuums, and then will run up to her and laughing, hug her). But now, our lives will change. Erik and I will look at schools on Wednesday, and determine what the best program is for him. This afternoon, I got a call from the team who evaluated him, and now they want to see him at his transition class, indepedently. I mean, I won't be there, and they will just observe. I feel like this is more of a test than I am ready for. Why are they doing that? Didn't they have enough time with him when we brought him to them? Is it because they don't believe us when we say he does well with other typical kids? Are they going to use a bad day in school against us to say he can't function around typical kids?

Of course, my husband always sees it differently (bless him!). He said, "Maybe they see how special he is, and how much potential he has, and they are going the extra mile to make sure they find the right place for him." Of course, if it wasn't the Los Angeles Unified School District, I might buy that. But I know that they are so overwhelmed with kids in their progams that they don't have time to go the 'extra mile.' But maybe I'm wrong. The only thing that makes me nervous is that Owen has been having this separation anxiety lately, and he had a really bad day when I took him to school. So I am making Erik take him, just so he does okay. I think there is a lot going on, and that is what is happening. Not only that, he knows when I am upset about something, and he takes it personally. When I was nervous about this whole evaluation thing, and about transferring to school, he internalized it. I know he did. See, Erik is the parent who is much calmer. Let's just say that when I get anxious about things, I go to Erik because he will always calm me down.

Other than that, Tess will be four months old this week! Yikes...and I have already had to pack away her size 0-3 clothes. Talk about entering a new phase...

I want another baby already just to keep the march of time from invading my life.